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Murphy's Law   
04:19am 24/07/2008
  My laptop's power supply has died.

I have ordered a replacement from eBay, and picked a seller that's just up in LA county and that promises to ship most orders in 24 hours and ship em' out using US Priority Mail... So let's see how fast the replacement gets here.

And let's hope the replacement WORKS... I get the impression that with Dell more often than not pretty much any simple thing can turn into a headache.

In the meanwhile I'm online from a 266 MHz Pentium 2 that I found under a pile of stuff and managed to scrounge up a monitor, mouse and keyboard for. It had Firefox 1.0.7 on it when I first booted it up, just to give people an idea of how long it's been since I've last used this thing. :P But I installed the latest Firefox, and a few extensions, and Pidgin... So yeah.

In other news, it looks like I may get to meet the delightful and delectable Cara soon, who is currently in the San Diego area for ComicCon. Oh look, it's the Five Fingered Hand icon. *smirks naughtily*
10:29am 19/07/2008
  Stay drunk long enough and [imitates Dave Foley] THIS'LL HAPPEN TO YOU!

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There is no pipe. No spoon, either, for you Matrix fans. And no band, for David Lynch fans.   
07:01pm 18/07/2008

Then what on earth is there?

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bits of sweeney todd...   
03:03am 06/07/2008
  there was another man who saw...
that she was beautiful...

a pious vulture of the law
who with a gesture of his claw
removed the barber from his plate
... then there was nothing but to wait...

and she would fall
so soft
so young
so lost
and oh so beautiful...


there's a hole in the wall like a big black pit
and it's filled with people who are filled with shit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it...
state of my social life.   
08:41pm 05/07/2008
  maria not talking to me again because i was upset about something and made comments she felt were too negative (god, some of my "friends" can be so immensely judgemental), fish apparently not talking to me because i drunkenly commented on how awesome i always thought her butt was, lori not talking to me because i drunkenly let it be known just how angry i feel towards her and because she's a big stupid WUSS who won't stand up and admit just how completely unselfconsciously she took advantage of me, emi was talking to me this morning and we were actually connecting a little bit over this unexpectedly awkwardness-free discussion of our shared love of both cock and pussy... i think she's genuinely surprised to find out that yes, i really am genuinely bi... but i guess a few people were genuinely surprised to find that one out... which doesn't make me happy. jack hasn't talked to me in a while. hi jack, have i pissed you off somehow? i'm honestly uncertain. alex talking to me but with obvious awkwardness... which i guess is understandable... james occasionally talking to me, but i think i may have at some point drunkenly asked him if there's any chance of a threesome with him and his boyfriend and that the talking has sorta died down since then... that cute young-james-spader lookalike boy that i was flirting with heavily for a while and whose real name i'm not quite sure of (it might be matt) hasn't really been talking to me... but he told me it's because he's been feeling depressed and not because of anything bad i did, so i'm hoping he'll be back to talking to me soon. cara (lori's ex), who is genuinely adoreable, apparently talking to me, which is neato -- i think i genuinely like her a lot... erin back to talking to me, completely out of the blue... heidi coming back from her trip in a day or two and supposedly i'll finally be meeting her sometime this week... which i've been obsessing about more than i'd care to admit because i really really like her and yet i'm somehow sure i'll do something stupid upon meeting her and she wouldn't like me very much anymore... also supposedly i'll be meeting kitty this week, which is kindda surprising because i honestly thought she was barely putting up with me and my immense nerdiness but she told me today she actually rather likes me a lot.

... but i think i upset her because i thought she'd be happy about what happened with the doctor and rose during the season finale but it turns out she's actually rather sad about it and said she thinks she won't be watching doctor who at all anymore.

hopefully i can manage to (1) stay sober (2) get past my anxiety problems and (3) arrange for a car for the sake of the two people i'm supposed to be meeting this week. it'll be quite a challenge after so much time just drowning myself in alcohol and misery, but we'll see. i could definitely use new people in my life, even if they both end up putting me firmly in the "just friends" corner.


i want to not be single anymore.

i essentially haven't had sex in over two months. ME. no sex! *cry* will someone friendly PLEASE take pity and either stick something in one of my holes or let me stick something in one of their holes sometime soon please? cuz i'm starting to go a bit nuts. pity fuck? anyone? d'ya know how i get without sex? thanks.
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08:56am 04/07/2008
  I'm looking forward to the Doctor Who season finale.  
06:33am 04/07/2008
  Sad Katie sitting along in Second Life on a rainy bench...


01:37am 24/06/2008
mood: depressed
For about 3 years now I've had the constant feeling that I'm required to constantly fight to keep my life going in the direction I wanted it to be going on in. I've had the constant feeling that everything was a constant struggle.

Big Emo rant inside the cut...Collapse )

Kate might as well be dead.

I don't exist anymore.

I guess I really gave up back in February. That's when I stopped dealing with all the nightmares that have been exhausting me for 2-3 years. And ever since then it's been like I've just sat back and watched every single aspect of my life shut down. Every single aspect of my life get fucked up. Lost the hormones, lost the job, lost the nice apartment, lost the girlfriend... And now it looks like I'm going to just go back to living as a guy and being agoraphobic... Which is what I'm generally like without my hormones.

I'd love comments from people who would care to suggest ways for me to cope with everything that's going wrong.

I'd love comments from anyone who has a couch that I could possibly crash on for a while instead of moving in with my mother, at least until I get back enough energy to pull myself out of this depression. If anyone can offer me this, I can definitely pay for my own food and can very likely pay some minimal amount of rent, as well.

I'd prefer not to get comments from people who just want to tell me I'm weak and pathetic and Emo and should shut the heck up. I already largely feel that way, thank you.
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03:25am 12/05/2008
James sent me this on StumbleUpon.   
04:42pm 14/09/2007
Spike from Buffy is gunna snog Torchwood & Doctor Who's Captain Jack!   
06:48am 29/08/2007
  I just found this out... Apparently on the next season of Torchwood, James Marsters, who played Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, will be romantically involved with John Barrowman, who plays Captain Jack Harkness. Here's a promo photo:

I thought this would be news that a number of the people who have me friended would be excited about and would spread around yourselves. :)
Marriage sucks.   
06:43am 19/08/2007

Found this on StumbleUpon. It's about how the whole concept of marriage needing to always be between a straight couple is anything *but* sacred -- is in fact completely ridiculous, and how in this day and age, when there's no longer a necessity for women to remain monogamous in order to verify the paternity of their children and ensure the validity of a line of inheritance, the government should have no right to reward domestic units that consist of one man and one woman over other types of domestic units.
Simpsonized Me!   
09:25pm 13/08/2007
  The new Simpsons movie in conjunction with Booger King has produced THIS WEBSITE which allows you to create a Simpsons character version of yourself starting from an actual photo.

Apparently this is what I would look like as a Simpsons character:

... That is all. :)
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09:19pm 13/08/2007
Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Time Lapsed Dough Rising!   
01:19am 12/08/2007
  Today is my 1.5 year anniversary with EC. Happy anniversary to us!

We made bread together! And I got to do something I've been wanting to do for a few years now -- get time lapsed video of dough rising! Here it is.

Reasonably good news.   
07:34pm 07/08/2007
mood: calm
So um, yeah... Some news.

1) I came out to my boss about being bisexual. Not about being transgendered yet. He was actually completely cool about it. Told me he used to live in West Hollywood and honestly couldn't care less. The amount of anger I've felt towards him has considerably lessened.

2) Alex and her boss now have an office on the third floor of the building our company is in. I now have my own office -- the office they used to be in, on the second floor. My former officemate stayed in our former office, which is right next door to mine. As a result of this, today at the end of my work day I was in an actual good mood... And had no knots in my back.

3) It's once again time for my bi-annual HRT doc appointment... Emailed Doctor Miller last week asking her to mail me the lab Rx sheet for whatever blood tests she'd like me to have done in prep for this appointment. She Emailed back and said she will. It still hasn't arrived.

4) Starting with my next paycheck, I'm apparently making $23/hour. My boss decided it'd be a good thing if I no longer had to take several hundred dollars from my dad every month to make ends meet. Yet another reason why my anger towards him has just lessened considerably. I'm probably going to be taking over paying for my Aetna health insurance ($303/month) which he's been paying for thus far, which will rid me of most of the money that will come from this raise. We're also hoping to get the acoustic drum kit out of storage and squeeze it into our apartment in some sort of folded up form this month... Once that's closed, that's another $130/month I won't have to rely on him for.

All in all... Things are, strangely enough, looking rather alright at the moment.
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03:13am 13/07/2007
mood: tense
My micromanaging dipshit of a boss seems to have a personal problem with it every time I have any sort of interaction with a coworker that isn't completely unpleasant for me.

He generally makes a point of either yelling at the employee I had the interaction with, or, at the very least, giving me a big lecture about not "keeping him out of the loop."

The guy doesn't even know I'm really a woman yet... And already I'm feeling like he's too possessive and needy and like I better figure out a way to let him down easy.

In other news... My officemate, who is the only other programmer at the company I work for, has actually admitted that if I were to quit, it would make his life very very unpleasant.

It was kind of odd, how this admission happened... We had a problem come up with an obscure bit of code that's fairly low level in our inside-library code... So the symptoms were coming up all over our system, in a bunch of different areas that built upon this lower-level code in a way that caused certain specific conditions to be true.

The aforementioned micromanaging dipshit boss had a little bit of trouble wrapping his head around it when I told him that even though we had known malfunctions in 3 or 4 different areas of our in-house system, I felt it was all actually one issue... That just happened to affect all of those areas. So while three different departments were having trouble getting their job done because of this malfunction, he was actually in the programming office trying to get me to very slowly and carefully explain the intimate details of the issue to him (instead of trying to solve the issue) so he can make some kind of micro-decision about it and feel like he's in the loop.

Which kindda set the tone for the whole miserable day.

So at some point after the boss had left our office, I said something like "God I hate this... If I quit right now, would you hate me forever?" to my officemate. And he said something like "Well, it would make my life very very difficult..."

So, yeah.
04:43pm 08/06/2007
  The Burger King Breakfast value menu sucks.  
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05:46am 06/06/2007
  Okay, so I thought I'd try to ease myself back into making music with something relatively simple... So I just did Johnny Cash's "Ghostriders in the Sky." Which is now officially my first recording in over a year.

It's got a few rhythmic errors in it... Mostly because I was sorta rushing to finish it so I could watch more L Word with Alex... But yeah. I'm happy about it overall.
I have a music area.   
08:11pm 02/06/2007
  Alex has been getting fairly worried about my growing depression in the last few months... So at some point recently the suggestion came up that we should go down south to the storage unit and try to pull out some of my music equipment and find room for it in our apartment.

Soooo today we actually did that... And now I have a small music area.

In our apartment.

Where my dad isn't going to go home and make me stop playing... And where I don't have to cram everything into a tiny bedroom.

Here's photos of what it looks like at present:

Soooooo what's left in the storage unit now is basically my acoustic drum kit and my old Mac that has my collection of Simpsons episodes on it.

And a microphone stand.

And a large giganto-clipboard/drawing board of Alex's.

And that's it, I'm fairly sure.

We may make a second trip down there sometime later this month and get it all... And either move it into a smaller storage unit that's closer to our apartment or somehow fold it into our apartment. Obviously I won't actually be able to set up and play the acoustic kit at the apartment... But, yeah... I still want it. Just on the offchance that at some point I'll end up in a band again. One that might actually play live.


And I should probably say this... I'm extremely lucky to be with an absolutely amazing woman who loves me and supports me and goes out of her way to try to cheer me up when I'm depressed, even when it means helping me lug a bunch of musical equipment around and letting me set it up to occupy a large corner of the livingroom. I love her madly.

Well, I love her madly always, not just when she does amazing things for me.

But yeah.
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