maria not talking to me again because i was upset about something and made comments she felt were too negative (god, some of my "friends" can be so immensely judgemental), fish apparently not talking to me because i drunkenly commented on how awesome i always thought her butt was, lori not talking to me because i drunkenly let it be known just how angry i feel towards her and because she's a big stupid WUSS who won't stand up and admit just how completely unselfconsciously she took advantage of me, emi was talking to me this morning and we were actually connecting a little bit over this unexpectedly awkwardness-free discussion of our shared love of both cock and pussy... i think she's genuinely surprised to find out that yes, i really am genuinely bi... but i guess a few people were genuinely surprised to find that one out... which doesn't make me happy. jack hasn't talked to me in a while. hi jack, have i pissed you off somehow? i'm honestly uncertain. alex talking to me but with obvious awkwardness... which i guess is understandable... james occasionally talking to me, but i think i may have at some point drunkenly asked him if there's any chance of a threesome with him and his boyfriend and that the talking has sorta died down since then... that cute young-james-spader lookalike boy that i was flirting with heavily for a while and whose real name i'm not quite sure of (it might be matt) hasn't really been talking to me... but he told me it's because he's been feeling depressed and not because of anything bad i did, so i'm hoping he'll be back to talking to me soon. cara (lori's ex), who is genuinely adoreable, apparently talking to me, which is neato -- i think i genuinely like her a lot... erin back to talking to me, completely out of the blue... heidi coming back from her trip in a day or two and supposedly i'll finally be meeting her sometime this week... which i've been obsessing about more than i'd care to admit because i really really like her and yet i'm somehow sure i'll do something stupid upon meeting her and she wouldn't like me very much anymore... also supposedly i'll be meeting kitty this week, which is kindda surprising because i honestly thought she was barely putting up with me and my immense nerdiness but she told me today she actually rather likes me a lot.
... but i think i upset her because i thought she'd be happy about what happened with the doctor and rose during the season finale but it turns out she's actually rather sad about it and said she thinks she won't be watching doctor who at all anymore.
hopefully i can manage to (1) stay sober (2) get past my anxiety problems and (3) arrange for a car for the sake of the two people i'm supposed to be meeting this week. it'll be quite a challenge after so much time just drowning myself in alcohol and misery, but we'll see. i could definitely use new people in my life, even if they both end up putting me firmly in the "just friends" corner.
i want to not be single anymore.
i essentially haven't had sex in over two months. ME. no sex! *cry* will someone friendly PLEASE take pity and either stick something in one of my holes or let me stick something in one of their holes sometime soon please? cuz i'm starting to go a bit nuts. pity fuck? anyone? d'ya know how i get without sex? thanks.